Stuff That Happens

I haven’t written on this thing in some time, not because I like seeing the looks on the faces of women when I don’t give them what they demand, but because I am a busy motherfucker. To find the time to blog while in college is quite a task that a lot of you might understand; however, now I’m going to make it a point to include this blog in my daily life more. If you have an erection or your underwear feel funny it’s because your body was just filled with excitement. That, or you’re hitting puberty, in which case you need to GTFOMB (Get the Fuck Off My Blog) ’cause this is for grown ups. Maybe “Pretty Little Liars” is having a marathon. Check your local listings.

Getting back on track, I’ve been going through a lot of changes as of late. From starting my sophomore year at U of M to getting placed in the Michigan’s Favorite Comic competition to being asked to participate in an MTV documentary on bullying, Papa’s on his way to better things. Or this might just be a little “up period” for me and all will be back to normal in the next months. Psht, yeah, I doubt that too. NONG!

THE DEVELOPMENTS YOU CAME HERE TO READ ABOUT:

  • I’m a sophomore now at U of M.
  • I’m only a few months away from declaring my film major officially, which means the naked girls that come to my room may actually have a shot at becoming famous. (Side note: If anyone is looking for a job, I need someone to make phone calls to these girls’ fathers if they get parts in my movies. Thick skin and skills in persuasion/Jedi mind shit preferred.) Please call 567-322-2336 if interested.)
  • As I stated earlier I will be participating in the Michigan’s Favorite Comic competition. I’ve been told by many that I’m a silly MF, so I guess it’s time for me to put that to the test. If you’d like to laugh or witness a fat guy piss himself out of nervousness, please come to the Michigan League on October 5th from 7-10 PM.
  • The shameless plugs are out of the way. Rest easy.
  • My single dorm here in Couzens Hall is beautiful. Still love being able to come home after a hard day and watch The Newlywed Game sans judgment. Lemme tell ya, that Sherri Shepherd is one big, delicious gallon of chocolate drink. Mmm mmm mmm!
  • The other day the neighbor lady, who I thought had a huge problem with me, actually said hello with the sweetest smile on her face. And Jesus wept.
  • A cute girl with a nose ring complimented on the size of my load yesterday. Uh, laundry load, that is. I still think she wanted a piece, but I digress.
  • Lately I’ve been coming up with new jokes or clever additions to jokes I have already written while I’m in bed. This is a big problem because 1) I’m too lazy to get up to write them down and 2) I forget that shit in the morning. I’m actually just now remembering that I forgot what I thought of last night that I wanted to add to my list. Fuck.
  • My Grandma still doesn’t have a Twitter. My foul mind will continue to spew obscenities on these Internets.
  • I miss my lazyass cat.
  • I’m still a broke sumbitch with a heart of gold and a mouth like a filthy New York hooker who stubbed her toe.
  • I keep realizing more and more that Quentin Tarantino cannot write/direct a bad movie.
  • Since I held this off for a little while, I would like to inform you that MTV did NOT contact me about that bullying movie. They were probably too focused on trying to legitimately change their name to JSOSYLIYSSABTV (Jersey Shore and Other Shit You’ll Like If You’re Sixteen and/or a Stupid Annoying Bitch TV).
  • My buddy Nathan is going to hate me for this, but I still find Zooey Deschanel to be a quirky, annoying bimbo whose acting and singing makes me cringe. But hey, at least she’s a step above Katy Perry. Amiright?!
  • Still haven’t been able to decipher what 99 problems Jay-Z is talking about. Come to think of it, I’m quite sure NO ONE can think of 99 problems right off the top of their head. If you can, please enlighten me.
  • This blog has 735 words.
  • Shit, it’s actually 737 if I include “735 words.”
  • FUCK! Now we’re at 749. Have to round shit out to make myself feel better, so…
  • 760.
UPDATE!
  • Christina from Firecracker Films in the UK contacted me and I might be one of the lucky few who get to contribute in the MTV bullying documentary. Sweet, right?
  • I totally forgot to mention Steve, my hooker-slaying neighbor here at U of M. Not only does he clean the prostitute covered streets of Ann Arbor, he also enjoys Metallica. We’re gonna mark that down as a WIN.
  • Who the fuck cares how many words are in this? Honestly.
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