October 20, 2014
Fort Myers, FL — Popular children’s store Toys R Us is currently under fire for selling toys inspired by the classic television drama, Breaking Bad. The program, off-air since its series finale on September 29, 2013, is about a suburban chemistry teacher who is diagnosed with terminal cancer and turns to selling meth to raise money for his family. Parents all over the United States are fuming over the products, stating that selling them teaches children that selling drugs could someday result in getting an action figure modeled after them. “I am OK with my son playing with just about anything,” says Martha Stanhope of Buckingham, “but I will not allow him to have these toys in his room EVER. This show promotes nothing but drugs, violence, and greed. I am disgusted with Toys R Us and will not be shopping there for Christmas this year.”
After hearing testimonies from disgruntled moms like Stanhope, store spokesperson Randall P. Newcastle made the following statement:
“The line of toys for Breaking Bad is clearly in bad taste and we at Toys R Us are in talks with Mezco Toyz to get them pulled off of our shelves. Our decision to order the Heisenberg figures took much deliberation and though we ultimately decided it would be a wise business move, the backlash we have received has made us realize that we were sorely mistaken. Once these toys are removed, we are proud to announce that we have ordered thousands of this year’s hottest toys as replacements: The Leah Messer Mommy and Me! Play-set, sponsored and distributed by MTV’s Teen Mom 2! We hope these will be our best-sellers this holiday season. Our sincerest apologies to the unhappy customers and please keep an eye out for our new line of toys in the coming weeks.”
So far, response to this news has been received well among shoppers. “I can’t wait to get my daughter this Teen Mom toy! She loves watching Leah on TV. This is a giant leap away from that filth they were selling before,” Jo Ann Caldwell said with a cart full of pink boxes. One man we talked to seemed to have no idea about the Breaking Bad controversy or the new Teen Mom toys. “This decision doesn’t affect me much,” Johnny Porter admitted. “I’m just here to get my son this cool American History X Lego set.”
Shoppers can find the Mommy and Me! Play Set at any Toys R Us location, between Playmobil’s Bank Robber and Getaway Car and Tesco’s Peek-a-Boo Stripper Pole.